Tag Archives: poetry

Lemon Curd Villanelle




wooing with witty fruit conserves
citrus jammer lusciously ladled ‘love’
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

sweetened, dolloping a boiled splurge
thought herself foolish, jelly-sick dove
wooing with fruity wit conserve

arms spread, allowed delivery of the absurd
deploying a jam-jar, Ka-splash-ni-kov
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

sticky heart shard could occasionally swerve
felt proper pith for having thought well of
bruising skin with extra fruity conserves

thoughts of jamnation, stirring the stirred
unscrewing lids, pinked sterilized gloves
sugared coated, congealing lemon curd

too late, merely now marmalade obscured
despise butterings, confiture, spooned cuffs
wooing with attentive witty conserves
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

Bubble & Squeak




foil toil

fire burn
cauldron bubble
fattened stomach
ballooning stress
gorge and glut
rut to excess
arses spread
generic sofa
all becoming
festive loafers
sip and slurp
burp and bare
white noise stare
glazed potato
seep and emit
ponder on
yearly remit

Was it
really good
for you?


About to add a poached egg to my bubble & squeak

Bizarre Poetry Gig #1


(There have been others – but this is the first that I’m documenting)


The Indoor Gig in a Bookshop

Oh lovely open mic audience
Do take a 15 min break

Relax, stretch your legs
Go to the café
Buy several deluxe Scotch Eggs
while Lindsey & Catherine perform
Musical numbers and poetry
People will need to quiche up in the interval
You are the interlude to their faces full of gourmet food
It’s an Indoor Gig

Our set tends to be dust & filth
The organiser knows that
She’s seen us both before
We manically giggle as we are left to our own devices
as somewhere far far away in the building
Everyone is on a loo break
forking with carrot cake slices.
We sing to skewiff chairs and cardigans
and lonely unthumbed books
about Tits and Jeremy Clarkson
We might well wee ourselves
during this bizarre configuration
Even our accompanied guest has disappearred
to join the cafe locustation
No one would ever notice, applause
or smell
Our pools of mirth
Sinking through the bookshop carpet to the silent earth
So we continue our set in a sort of hysteria disco disorder
Witcherly creating our gig dissatisfaction spell…..
That finally finished off Borders.
(as they went bust soon after our appearance in Oxford)



one lady did suddenly appear at the end and shout Bravo!!  We’re not entirely sure
if she was a figment of our imagination or what we did indeed conjure up….


Control your Troll


Control your Troll
Magpies toss teabags whole
jostling for toothpicks
and high energy drinks

Control your inner Troll
That hedgehog lodged
in the catfood tin
denounces most crap as imitation Jar Jar Binks

Control your outer troll
Foxes can now claim tax back on frequent vexing
whereas Oranges are the Only fruit machine
Nudge Citrus Nudge……….wink…wink

Control your metaphysical troll…
And we married him off a few months later…..
‘Vermin’ tweeted a gobby waiter
‘I can see why you’ll need several doggy bags’

Control your Trill eating Troll
Sow artificial coverings from ‘Grass-Woz-Us’
Let all former Goats stay at home
with screen sprung kids

Control ALT Troll your Troll


Arm’s Length




I keep you at arm’s length

I have a tape measure that measures arms

You are precisely at arm’s length

Some others I keep further away

(at leg’s length)

using discreet string

Measuring can be problematic

You have to be ready with safety pins

and a hack-saw

Not sure how many limbs I can keep you away though

It’s going to be quite messy




I decided that I would give up poetry this year and concentrate on other creative endeavours. HA!! I have a stubborn muse.

It’s lovely to have him back 🙂