Category Archives: Poems

Catherine Wheel



Feel the appeal of the
Catherine Wheel Meal
Cartwheel to then peel
a metre stretch of this reel
Ian Beale would conceal his love…
He would kneel,
freewheel with
a concealed Cockatiel
accompanied by
Lucille (a genteel seal)
She’ll be playing
Deal or No Deal on a
Steel glockenspiel

Just because something has your name on it…doesn’t mean you should have it for brekkie...🤔
It’s been a while since I wrote something vaguely poetical…

Smarties (They never used to be Blue)




dress the depressed
in shiny tippy toes
cheer the suckers up
cheer the suckers up

hand out Smarties
in tissues of gold

cheer the suckers up
cheer the suckers up

two blues please
three brown encased
a case of well being
wine your face
chase em
lace em
yellowed pink
wink lead red-eyed
re-placement kinks

orange smiley
half-time facement
keep going well
in a work place placement

greens purples
pop on floor
smartie spores
mosaic hoard
hoover haze
sporadic gazer on stun

flick to kill
freeze frame the sun
freeze frame your life
freeze frame a wife where?
there on a stare
blind em
grind em
love letters lost…
malaisy lady
hiding shady
hiding beds
wants sleep dans
lacklustre head

won’t don’t
want to fill in
time limit

even when sucked
bleed Spirulina blue

F’s and S’s can be exchanged as you see fit


Lemon Curd Villanelle




wooing with witty fruit conserves
citrus jammer lusciously ladled ‘love’
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

sweetened, dolloping a boiled splurge
thought herself foolish, jelly-sick dove
wooing with fruity wit conserve

arms spread, allowed delivery of the absurd
deploying a jam-jar, Ka-splash-ni-kov
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

sticky heart shard could occasionally swerve
felt proper pith for having thought well of
bruising skin with extra fruity conserves

thoughts of jamnation, stirring the stirred
unscrewing lids, pinked sterilized gloves
sugared coated, congealing lemon curd

too late, merely now marmalade obscured
despise butterings, confiture, spooned cuffs
wooing with attentive witty conserves
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

Death Star Orange



Malvern to Mullion
an orange it did travel
Stowaway, Forgotten fruit
unable to unravel
Displaying pithy displeasure
while we pastied out a’coasting
Set your sails to Mouldy Whale
Here comes the Pac-Man ghosting

FullSizeRender (3)

Mouldy Orange

We’ve all been ill.
We’re on Penicillin.
We blame this orange.

Poundland Stationery



Fanny Pens

Pens for the Fanny

What are these pens?

Does anyone have any?

And can you really buy them for a pound?


I only purchased a ball of wool

Fanny Wool?

Wool for the fanny

To Knit some Knicks

(I haven’t got any)

And guess how much it cost?


If anyone is in the fanny pen know –
please please do get in touch and put me out of my misery. What is a fanny pen???


Are you there Fanny Pen?