Category Archives: Food

Catherine Wheel



Feel the appeal of the
Catherine Wheel Meal
Cartwheel to then peel
a metre stretch of this reel
Ian Beale would conceal his love…
He would kneel,
freewheel with
a concealed Cockatiel
accompanied by
Lucille (a genteel seal)
She’ll be playing
Deal or No Deal on a
Steel glockenspiel

Just because something has your name on it…doesn’t mean you should have it for brekkie...🤔
It’s been a while since I wrote something vaguely poetical…

Lemon Curd Villanelle




wooing with witty fruit conserves
citrus jammer lusciously ladled ‘love’
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

sweetened, dolloping a boiled splurge
thought herself foolish, jelly-sick dove
wooing with fruity wit conserve

arms spread, allowed delivery of the absurd
deploying a jam-jar, Ka-splash-ni-kov
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

sticky heart shard could occasionally swerve
felt proper pith for having thought well of
bruising skin with extra fruity conserves

thoughts of jamnation, stirring the stirred
unscrewing lids, pinked sterilized gloves
sugared coated, congealing lemon curd

too late, merely now marmalade obscured
despise butterings, confiture, spooned cuffs
wooing with attentive witty conserves
sugar coated, congealing lemon curd

Bubble & Squeak




foil toil

fire burn
cauldron bubble
fattened stomach
ballooning stress
gorge and glut
rut to excess
arses spread
generic sofa
all becoming
festive loafers
sip and slurp
burp and bare
white noise stare
glazed potato
seep and emit
ponder on
yearly remit

Was it
really good
for you?


About to add a poached egg to my bubble & squeak




pink waferation
of my currenty demise
Let’s Biscuitize Biscuitize BISCUITIZE!
Figroll-itively speaking
Your custard creams are peaking
my interest
Ingest a Dodger of Jammy
Wagon Wheel of Whammy
Tim Tams when they’re tammy
Rich Tea Glee Glutton
Milky Malted Muttons
Finger of Coffee
Nice are Nice
Party Ring fling
laminated in neon
Send in Christmas tinned boxes
Foiled Cadburys and Foxes
Deliver is from plain
Deliver us from weakness
Eating Maryland hordes
in secret
in neatness
Again and again
and verily again
Oh Purveyor
of my biscuity
conveyor belt
Melt each one
saliver satisfaction
crumbled life distraction
Packet of Contraction
Packet of Contrition
Empty wrappers jostle
in waste paper baskets
ginger thins seldom last
in guilty plastic caskets
Fear not fevered friends
in your Oreo Offensive
Shortbread will always bring us
Straight back to our Senses

Cup of tea?

NB. Jaffa Cakes may have been classed as a cake for tax purposes

but I choose to eat them like a biscuit
(a whole packet at a time)

Death Star Orange



Malvern to Mullion
an orange it did travel
Stowaway, Forgotten fruit
unable to unravel
Displaying pithy displeasure
while we pastied out a’coasting
Set your sails to Mouldy Whale
Here comes the Pac-Man ghosting

FullSizeRender (3)

Mouldy Orange

We’ve all been ill.
We’re on Penicillin.
We blame this orange.