Keep Calm and Embalm




Keep Calm and Embalm my dead flesh
Make me look all pretty in pink
Spray on deep Deep Heat to warm me
Make me smell like fitness freak

Keep calm and embalm my dead flesh
Apply gloss that makes one’s lips plump
Max out all of my eyelashes
Tweezer strayish hairs on my humps

Keep Calm and Embalm my dead flesh
Although seasoning is technically correct
You’ll need a cookbook of anatomy
to know which of the joints are the best

Keep Calm and Embalm my dead flesh
Optional ingredients of veg if you must
Bake at Gas mark five for 45 mins
to obtain the perfect pie crust


© Catherine Crosswell



I’ve just landed the part of Mrs Lovett in the LADS production of Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street this Autumn. I’m still pinching myself. This musical has been a fave of mine for over 25 years (actually, I always wanted to play the part of Johanna when I was younger. I even managed to squeeze into her costume from the Cheltenham Everyman production which I borrowed to play Isobel in Scrooge at Bishop Perowne High School)
Can’t wait to get tucked in to the part. 


‘…the trouble with poet
is how do you know its deceased!
Try the priest!’
From the The Priest, Sweeny Todd by Sondheim


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s