Weapon of Choice

Standard

My weapon of choice

Happens to be triangular

It’s the flying flapjack

of an Isosceles calibre

Careful with that oaty goodness

that’s been sharpened at one end

The correct way to go launch it

is underarm with careful bend

 

If you’re going to have a food fight

You need to know your Maths

Trigonometry 

Hypotenuse

Pythagoras in the bath

(while he was sharing with Archimedes

those who are opting to be picky

one can sometimes mix ones mathaphors

and the meaning’s slightly icky)

 

Get out now your protractors

Compass in the correct degree

Desmond is no longer sufficient

A first or 2:1 please

Reject lime jelly and custard

They no longer cut the mustard

Grab your pasta swirls all razor sharp

and peas like silver bullets

Retain a few for battle

The rest go down your canteen gullet

Wear large detectable spectacles

If you suspect a food fight foray

As it whizzes past your ear

You might hear it whisper Neigh!!

The knives and forks are about of bounds

That would be plain cheating

To be cuttled with some cutlery

doesn’t bear repeating

 

Was it angular Angela Merkel

who questioned the flap jack’s linear perspective?

The biscuity one must have four sides only

Following a made up EU directive.

 

See below for the link about a school banning triangular flapjacks which inspired this poem.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-21923218

 

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