To celebrate the sovereign’s jubilee
We’ve put our stamps up to 60p
So when we stick on the lovely queen
Top right hand corner,
It’s actually quite fitting that we no longer lick
And instead grab the right royal treasured Pritt Stick
We look at her gold, we adhere to her crown
We smile at her forehead, containing no frowns
We always make sure she’s the right way round
Otherwise her rocks might sag to the ground
She’s a quite a diamond
She’s quite a geezer
All you philatelists out there –
Use the special royal tweezers!!
(AND no looking at her regal arse
With the mega magnificent magnifying glass)
They’re forever you know
these diamonds of hers
She sprinkles them around
The whole universe
Meet Ann Diamond
Handcuffed to Nick Ross
Giving Queenie all the juicy top Midlands goss
Meet Lou Diamond Philips
Look him up on IMDB
He gave us Young Guns, La Bamba
Popular with the aristocracy.
Her correspondence to him is sent Par avion
Over Britannica waves
That never never never shall be late.
Her favourite breeds are Corgis
Bred by having Corgi orgies
Bow wow, woof woof
They call them the Diamond Dogs!
Pay attention to the juke box
Feed with my royal coinage
Heed Lucy in the sky
Stimulate and tease me
On the soles of her shoes
For who needs love
What good is love to me?
While she lusters on………………..
Waving in the corner
This is her local pub
The Dog and Jewel
She makes up these little anecdotes
To confuse pissed tourists, fools
About her forever diamond reign
For the price of a piccie and a
‘Pint of Diamond your Majesty?’
She sits on a cushion by the fruit machine
In the corner flicking a beer mat
Surrounded by bunting and jubilee tat.
It’s a lonely life you see
Earning your crust
impersonating the Queen.