Fake Diamond


To celebrate the sovereign’s jubilee

We’ve put our stamps up to 60p

So when we stick on the lovely queen

Top right hand corner,

Perforated, serene

It’s actually quite fitting that we no longer lick

And instead grab the right royal treasured Pritt Stick


We look at her gold, we adhere to her crown

We smile at her forehead, containing no frowns

We always make sure she’s the right way round

Otherwise her rocks might sag to the ground


She’s a quite a diamond

She’s quite a geezer

All you philatelists out there –

Use the special royal tweezers!!

(AND no looking at her regal arse

With the mega magnificent magnifying glass)


They’re forever you know

these diamonds of hers

She sprinkles them around

The whole universe

Meet Ann Diamond

Handcuffed to Nick Ross

Giving Queenie all the juicy top Midlands goss

Meet Lou Diamond Philips

Look him up on IMDB

He gave us Young Guns, La Bamba

Popular with the aristocracy.

Her correspondence to him is sent Par avion

Over Britannica waves

That never never never shall be late.



Her favourite breeds are Corgis

Bred by having Corgi orgies

Bow wow, woof woof

They call them the Diamond Dogs!

Pay attention to the juke box

Feed with my royal coinage

Heed Lucy in the sky

Stimulate and tease me

On the soles of her shoes

For who needs love

What good is love to me?

While she lusters on………………..

Waving in the corner


This is her local pub

The Dog and Jewel

She makes up these little anecdotes

To confuse pissed tourists, fools

About her forever diamond reign

For the price of a piccie and a


Pint of Diamond your Majesty?’


She sits on a cushion by the fruit machine

In the corner flicking a beer mat

Surrounded by bunting and jubilee tat.

It’s a lonely life you see

Earning your crust

impersonating the Queen.


6 responses »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s