You could post toast
Through my letter box
I’d like that a lot
Or other breaded products to squeeze through the lettered slot
I’m sick of points
They’re not really nectar
Just Honey trappings for your money.
Double this,
Triple that,
Quandruple bonus when you purchase (at least!!) FIVE lots of…
Rat a tat tat!!
There’s someone at the door
Rod Hull and Emu
Clearly wanting more
Coz they’ve brought a cottage loaf
As an offering/an exchange
It had been accidentally left in the
small buns and small baps range.
Rod’s got a voucher that he can vouch for
and I’ve got a coupon-
Coz I’m loyal.
I’ve got cards that I guard
in my loyalty parch’ed pouch,
it’s wired to the mains
if you try to steal them you’ll say ‘OUCH!
Buzz Buzz ring
It’s Keith Harris and Cuddles
They’ve brought me a French stick
Bread loot now has doubled
Come in!! Come in!!
To add to my breaded shrine’
Orville’s coming along later
To turn the bread into the wine
But he lives in a bin bag-
In a dank and darkened seller
Playing snap and bendy spoons
With Monsieur Uri Geller
Tip tip tap 
Jesus Christ!!! ‘and  ‘Crumbly Crumbs!!’
If it isn’t Hansel and Gretel
Being chased by SUperdog Fenton………..!!!
It’s all going underground
In this breaded world with Jam,
Fairytales and celebrities
Sharing breadspace with Steve Cram
And Mr bun the bakers boy is still browned off with his bread
He don’t realize the implications of his bread potential
in his squidgy dough-balled head.

Epiphany! Epiphany!
I’m having a delayed (5 days) 6th of Jan Epiphany!

Go Away!
Yeastful lovers.
I’m no longer breaded in!

Get thee gone
No knead of you have I
in my breaded, leaded bin
I am bloated at the thought of you

and how you rest within.
I do groan at your granary
I do moan at your resting place

I’ve suddenly become wheat intolerant
Never more shall you fill my face!

© Catherine Crosswell

Oat Cakes is best!


3 responses »

  1. Polly definitely a star – and so are you! Are you the same Catherine who will be reading at 42 next week? If so, I will see you there.
    Ah, I wouldn't devote too much time to reading my wafflings – the effect of doing so on a person's mental health has yet to be fully researched… 😉

    Oh, now got the image of Grotbags kneading bread stuck in my head… Cool.

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